


A Testament

by StarlightHawke



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: A Date, M/M, Valentine's Day, it's my curse to do this, not quite as fluffy as i hoped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 16:59:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17811899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightHawke/pseuds/StarlightHawke
Summary: The sight that greets him from the doorway of their hideout elicits a rather uncomfortable combination of his heart skipping a beat while his stomach grows wings and tries to take flight. He swallows, mouth dry. Eiji stands there in a pair of smart sand-colored chinos and a button-up white shirt, beaming with a brightness rivaling the sun. A glance both ways and then he’s jogging over to Ash, that smile even more blinding close up.Oh, if only Ash could keep that smile with him for the rest of his time on earth.~written for a Valentine's Day exchange on twitter~





	A Testament

**Author's Note:**

> I'm terrible at writing pure fluff, as this shows, heh. Hope you enjoy anyway!

No matter how tightly shut the blinds are, the bright light of the morning sun always manages to slip through. Dust dances along the beams in slow movements until disturbed by breath, then spinning away and out of sight. Every exhale used to cool the surface of the hot liquid in his hands sends more spiraling away into hiding, and some part of him buried deep beneath the surface is jealous. Jealous of the ability to be in the light and then disappear easily, from sight, from thoughts, from memory.

Ash Lynx has never been able to wipe his existence away quite so easily.

Tugging the heavy comforter tighter around his body, he takes a sip of the coffee, frowning when it scalds his tongue. It always takes far too long to cool to a reasonable level and his impatience will be the death of his taste buds. Still, he wanted it to be made early enough that it would be relatively cool by the time the alarm clock would go off.

The quiet rustle of fabric catches his attention and he flicks his gaze over to the lump of blankets on the bed, eyes tracing the almost imperceptible rise and fall of them. A small tuft of black fluff peeks out near the pillow, the only indication of who the person beneath the covers is. Fingers twitch against the chipped ceramic in his hands; the urge to reach out and comb through the exposed hair is stronger than usual. A slow exhale, and then another drink, this one accompanied by a flinch when his already hurt tongue screams again.

Damn. Maybe he should just sit it down so he isn’t so tempted to drink it.

It’s remarkably easy to let the days blur together, especially when in the middle of a war. Sometimes even Ash falls victim, each 24 hours bleeding into the next as he spends long hours planning and organizing the next move. Everything falls out of whack when life becomes dependent on the next mission, catching a few hours of sleep here, a wink there.

Today is not one of those days.

Romance has never been on his mind. Not for a long time, anyway. He became disenchanted with it and most notions of love many years ago when everything felt hopeless, like he was doomed to be Dino’s concubine forever. Valentine’s Day was just another day, if not one he could take advantage of. People let their guard down when they’re lonely or trying to impress their partners. To say that he was usually busy would be a vast understatement.

Disgusting pigs.

But.

The blankets shuffle around and that lock of hair disappears with a sleepy grunt, causing the corners of Ash’s lips to curl up into a fond smile. This is the first time there’s been someone in his life like Eiji. He knew there was something different about the boy - well, _man,_ technically - the first time he set eyes on him. What he couldn’t have predicted was the intense emotion that consumed him so completely that he could hardly bear to be parted from him. He wants to give him the world - nay, the moon and the stars themselves - but all he has is his gang, gun and a shitload of death.

It would be best for both of him if he sent Eiji away.

Not that it was ever going to be a possibility, if Eiji had his way.

God, Ash wishes he could keep him around. Keep him safe, make him happy.

Continue to experience this happiness himself.

But as it stands…

Leaning forward, he pushes the blinds to the side and squints into the bright light of outside. People mill about on the sidewalk, some carrying flowers, others going about their normal business. Going about their lives as normal without a care in the world.

Fools.

The blinds fall back into place with a much louder scrape than he intended and he glances back at the bed, head tilted to the side as the blankets shift again. Time is not a guarantee, is it? There’s no telling how long he is for this world, or how long he’ll be lucky enough to have Eiji around. Would it really be so bad to take a bit of their advice? Celebrate today as it’s supposed to be.

He imagines Eiji would probably like that. They haven’t given a name to this, what is between them. They’re both too scared to, considering what’s at stake. But for one day… acknowledging it, pretending it could be their norm… it shouldn’t hurt, right?

When he puts it like that, it’s easy to ignore the part of his mind telling him it’s not so easy.

With a clink, he sets the mug down and stands, dragging the comforter with him as he makes his way to the bed. The blanket is soft when he places a hand on it, letting it fall wherever it is on the hidden body.

“Eiji. Wake up and get ready; I have somewhere I wanna go.”

 

-oOo-

 

Ash’s closet is filled with a variety of clothes; much more than most gang members - or leaders - he knows. Some of them are leftover from his time with Dino, some are disguises he’s used in the past. Of course there’s others he’s purchased himself that are more his taste, but even then the majority is meant to blend in with everyone else on the street. As much as he can, anyway.

There’s a price for being considered highly attractive, and part of it is a decreased ability to be a faceless member of the crowd.

Today, he’s less concerned with appearing as just another young adult in New York. It probably isn’t the smartest idea, but he wants to stand out and look nice. For Eiji. It’s… interesting, in a way, how much it used to annoy him when Dino would dress him up as eye candy for his crowd but here he is, essentially doing the same. Except this crowd is made up of one person.

Guess it isn’t really a crowd, then.

Still. He’d developed a resistance to emphasizing his beauty unless he could use it as a manipulative tool. So what is with this incessant need to look his best for Eiji?

He supposes it’s another facet of that L-thing he feels.

It takes a stupid amount of time before he settles on a pair of tan slacks with a coral shirt. A few moments of dithering between taking a sweater or not ends with him tying a navy one around his shoulders, just to keep with the typical fashion. The image in the mirror is an acceptable one, reflecting a man confident in his appearance and set to impress someone. There’s just one more thing…

...he really needs a haircut. But that isn’t on the agenda today, so instead he squirts some gel onto his fingers and brushes them through the wild locks, managing to reveal most of his eyes. His glasses catch his attention, sitting on the counter next to where he places the bottle. Should he…?

Sure. If nothing else, they bring focus to his eyes even more than the coral makes the green of them pop.

Satisfied, he shoves his hands in his pockets and slips into the hallway then into the bright light of late afternoon. Where is… aha. Shorter stands at the curb, leaning against his motorcycle with the cheerful grin typical of his best friend. As usual, the bright purple mohawk draws a few surprised looks from those passing by, and Ash snickers at one particular older lady who mumbles something about “the devil” as she rushes on.

“Scaring the locals as usual,” he comments as he sidles up next to him, eyes still following the hag as she scurries away.

“Hey now, it’s not my fault they can’t handle my awesome style!” Ash rolls his eyes when an arm wraps around his shoulder to pull him into a half-hug, turning in time to catch Shorter tug down his sunglasses enough to wink at him.

“Yeah, that’s definitely it. You sure you’re okay with this?” It’s not unusual for him to change topics abruptly, but the attempt at sounding casual fails. Instead, the galloping in his chest and the vice around his lungs manifests into a clipped tone.

Shorter’s eyebrows raise at the same time as he lifts his arm and he chuckles, his air of amusement only growing. “Letting you ride my bike off into the sunset with your boyfriend? Sounds like something right out of a cringy movie. Don’t forget to stand outside his window with a stereo when you piss him off.”

“He’s _not_ my boyfriend.” If only that were the case. Ash would give anything to be able to live a normal life with Eiji Okumura, but that’s not the hand the world played him.

Another laugh and Shorter shakes his head, one hand reaching behind to scratch his neck. “Yeah, okay, if you say so.” The other dips into the pocket of his jacket to pull out a small keychain. “Just don’t let your guard down, okay? Keep both of you safe.”

Cool metal falls into Ash’s hand and he nods solemnly, fingers closing around the keys tightly. The serious expression melts off Shorter’s face as quickly as it came, replaced once more by a playful smirk.

“I’ll keep your guys in line while you’re off playing the ideal man~” One final wink, Shorter pushing his sunglasses back into place with a knuckle. Turning on his heel, he places his hands behind his head and whistles, walking back in the direction of Chinatown.

“Like they’ll need your help!” Ash calls after him, snorting at the obscene gesture he gets as a response. His gaze strays to the bike and the two helmets adorning it; will this be Eiji’s first time riding one? They’re from such different worlds, and he can’t help wondering if Eiji has ever hung around someone who would ride such a thing.

Not that he’s _that_ familiar with Japanese culture. For all he knows, they’re more common over there.

“Ash!”

The sight that greets him from the doorway of their hideout elicits a rather uncomfortable combination of his heart skipping a beat while his stomach grows wings and tries to take flight. He swallows, mouth dry. Eiji stands there in a pair of smart sand-colored chinos and a button-up white shirt, beaming with a brightness rivaling the sun. A glance both ways and then he’s jogging over to Ash, that smile even more blinding close up.

Oh, if only Ash could keep that smile with him for the rest of his time on earth.

 

-oOo-

 

The drive downtown goes fairly smooth, Eiji’s infectious laughter rumbling against Ash’s back. It’s much easier to feel than hear over the noise of the other traffic, a soft reverberation that has him chuckling as well. During moments like this it’s remarkably easy to forget about everything that separates them; their starkly different pasts, the gang, Ash’s traumas. At this point in time they’re just two young men racing through the streets and enjoying themselves. No worries, no danger, just fun.

A pair of warm hands rest on his hips and a part of Ash’s mind is fixated on the touch, welcome as it is. While he can’t always predict the mercurial tendencies of his subconcious, Eiji is the only person he can stomach pressing against him most of the time. Years of being nothing more than a prostitute for the desires of disgusting men has tainted the way he reacts to touch, creating a cycle of negative feedback he has yet to be able to break. There are times when he has to back away from even Eiji, keeping a distance lest he lash out with his claws.

But right now, in this moment of peace and serenity, he’s enjoying it.

The muscles of his stomach flex when those same hands move across his torso. Slowly, carefully, telegraphing every move before it happens to allow him to stop it, if he wants.

He doesn’t want that. Not this time.

So he stifles the giggle that tries to rise at the tickling sensation, relaxing his shoulders as the hands complete their journey and he’s engulfed in the arms of his friend.

Wait, no. That’s not the right word. Not today.

Boyfriend.

Eiji’s chest rests against him and it feels like they’re connected from shoulders to thighs, heat radiating from his body even through the sweater draped over Ash’s back. The sharp jut of Eiji’s chin presses into his shoulder and the quiet sighs of happiness that escape him eclipse all other sound until they’re all Ash can hear. That and his own heartbeat, resonating loudly in his ears.

It should be illegal for someone to have such an effect on him.

The parking lot is surprisingly empty, considering the day and how close it is to dinner. Ash pulls into a spot to park and drops his feet onto the ground, flipping off the motor, filing away the location of possible escape routes and nearby buildings. An alley between this building and the next, a road on the other side. By now, it’s as ingrained in him as to act of breathing; something he does without thinking.

“Ohhh, what’s this place?” Eiji hops off the bike and removes his helmet, leaning forward with wide eyes. The building in front of them is almost an eyesore, the stark white and dark green a contrast that would be fine, if the paint weren’t peeling in areas. “Irish-American… grill and tavern,” he continues to read, stumbling over some of the words Ash can only assume aren’t commonly taught in Japan.

“Bennigans.” A few strands of hair fall into his eyes as Ash takes off his own helmet, tugging Eiji’s from his hand and hanging them over the handles. There were many options for restaurants that he could have chosen from, but his intel says that Bennigans is a popular place for dates. This location in particular doesn’t get as much traffic as the others, a little out of the way and not quite as big.

He can put up with a bit of disrepair if he’s fairly certain they’ll be safe.

“Bennigans,” Eiji repeats, breaking into a wide grin. He turns that grin to Ash, the aura of excitement surrounding him making him all the more adorable.

_Ba-thump._

Can his heart stop doing that? The fabric of his shirt crumples between his fingers as he clutches his chest, quickly looking away as heat spreads across his cheeks.

“Are you okay?”

The space between them diminishes and oh god, Eiji’s so close right now. That look of concern in his eyes is upsetting, frustration welling up that Ash can’t make the flush disperse. Sure, he’s more than capable of arranging his face into a blank expression, but curse his body for reacting on its own.

“I’m fine,” he grumbles, placing his palm against Eiji’s sternum and shoving him back a few paces. “No need to worry about me, big brother.”

No need to worry at all.

 

-oOo-

 

There’s something about the way the stars seem to sparkle in Eiji’s eyes when he’s excited that enraptures Ash. Colors from the film dance across them as Eiji leans forward in his seat, mouth parted in a silent “o” while he watches the scene unfold in front of him, but all Ash can focus on is the internal light in those beautiful brown irises. He’s been staring for far too long to be able to brush it off as a simple glance by now, and he’s thankful that he other man is too caught up in the movie to have noticed anything yet.

They’re sitting in a row third from the back, giving Ash optimal views of all the entrances and exits to this room. A slight jump over the partition that separates the seating from the aisle is all it would take to escape, if needed, but he’d be lying if he said that was the only thing on his mind when he chose these particular seats.

No. Just for once, he’s a normal teenager on a date.

The ghost of a smile flickers across his face when Eiji cranes his head forward even more, leaving a bare expanse of unprotected neck open. It’s almost cruel to take advantage of this now, when some major plot point is taking place on the screen, but Ash has been waiting for this opportunity. Moving slowly so as not to catch the other’s attention, he ducks his head and brushes his lips feather-light across the soft skin just above the collar of Eiji’s shirt.

A smirk forms when he feels the older man tense up, the audible inhale music to Ash’s ears. He repeats the action, still just the barest of touches.

“Ash…?” It’s more an exhale of disbelief than anything else, but it’s all he needs to finally press his lips firmly into the line of Eiji’s neck. A shiver trembles against his lips and he continues, laying a path of open-mouthed kisses to the bottom of his jaw. Still soft, explorative, not the typical hurried ones filled with adrenaline and the need of reassurance. The din from the film makes it hard to hear but the vibrations he feels coming from Eiji’s throat are enough to spark his imagination. Eiji is enjoying this.

Good.

He crests the edge of his jaw and follows it to the point of his chin before pulling away to survey his work. Intermittent trembles course through Eiji, who stays frozen facing the screen - but those eyes are watching Ash. A blush rides high on his cheeks, spreading down, down, into his neck. _How low does that go?_ Ash makes a note to pay attention next time and tucks it in the back of his mind, reaching forward to place his thumb on the underside of Eiji’s chin and curls a finger beneath angelic lips. There’s no resistance when he turns that face to look at him, only a question in those eyes.

A question that normally Ash avoids. One he can’t acknowledge for the safety of this man. And while today is different - a torturous sample of what could have been in a different universe - he still can’t give Eiji the answer he desires.

So instead he closes the distance between them, slotting their lips together in the most chaste of kisses he can manage. This is where it’s all new to him; he’s no stranger to lust or desire, each meeting of mouths sloppy and insistent, tongues forcing their way where he doesn’t want them.

But a soft kiss, one full of only emotion and no need to go further, is a stranger to him. Eiji’s disclosed to him in the dark how inexperienced he is as well; whispers hidden beneath blankets confessing that Ash was his first kiss.

It’s a shame that first kiss was mostly to pass a message, and any subsequent ones an outlet for unbridled passion neither knew how to control.

Books describe - sometimes in great detail - what a first kiss should be like and while Ash isn’t stupid enough to believe they’re realistic, he follows what he can and hopes it’s alright. He must be doing okay, if the weight of Eiji’s hand on his thigh and the increased pressure as he returns the kiss is any indication. Ash slides his hand so that it cups one hot cheek, leaning closer and resting his other on Eiji’s low back.

This is nice. No end game, no knowledge that more has to happen, just this. Just the scent of Eiji filling his nose when he breathes and the heat radiating from his body as they press together. It feels natural when he parts his lips and runs the tip of his tongue over the seam of Eiji’s, a pleased hum leaving him when he’s granted access to slip into his mouth and slide across Eiji’s own.

The movie plays on in the background, entirely forgotten, overshadowed by the quiet smack of lips and rustling of clothing. For the first time in a long time, Ash allows himself to be lost entirely. All of his sense are eclipsed by Eiji and Eiji only, and he tries to lessen the space between them only to grunt in frustration about the armrest in the way.

Eiji breaks the kiss with a giggle and Ash feels like he’s about to explode. _God, this man is too cute._ Blinking his eyes open, he’s unprepared for the sight of a glowing Eiji and feels the air rush out of his lungs in response.

Pink dusts those cheeks and the smile is so wide, logically it should split his face in two. Yet it’s still shy, bashful, everything Eiji is when it comes to matters of the heart. If Ash once compared Eiji’s eyes to the stars, it’s only right to say they now shine with the full force of a sun, full of a joy he wishes he could put there every day.

It’s incredibly invigorating to see him like this.

But.

It’s equally sad.

Eiji opens his mouth and Ash shuts him up with another kiss before he has a chance to say anything, squeezing his eyes shut in desperation. He can’t let him say anything; one word about this, one statement and he’ll shatter into a million pieces. It’s already hard to admit this won’t happen again and they’ll have to part ways, eventually, so Eiji can live the life he deserves while Ash continues to crawl along the underworld. But if Eiji so much as utters an ounce of his feelings, then…

Ash doesn’t know if he’ll have the strength to continue on.

And escaping to Japan doesn’t mean he’ll be free.

Still.

When he pulls back, Eiji is visibly swooning. With a sad smile, he brushes the pad of his thumb along his cheek, relishing the way Eiji leans into the touch. “Just for today,” he starts, heart dropping when those brown eyes flick up to him with an all-too-knowing look in them. “I wanted to-”

A finger presses into his lips and he pauses, surprised, when Eiji shakes his head. “I know.” Turning his face, he kisses Ash’s palm before gently bringing it down to wind their fingers together. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Emotion crashes into Ash like a wave and he pulls Eiji into another kiss, hiding the tears welling up against his will. Eiji responds immediately, squeezing his hand and gentling the kiss to reflect the one from moments earlier. Shivers tear down Ash’s spine as fingers card through his hair in a gesture so understanding, so _loving_ that it makes him wish with his entire being that things were different.

Oh, he’d give anything to just be able to spend the rest of his life with this man.

Instead, he lets the tears blaze a path down his cheeks, refusing to let Eiji pull away when he makes a soft noise of surprise. “Please don’t,” he whispers and is met with more kisses, comforting and loving and everything he could ever want. Even as Eiji cups his face and gently wipes the tears away, he lets himself pretend nothing is wrong.

He’ll spend the rest of today with Eiji as though it’s their true destiny.

He’s going to have this day as a testament to their love.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading. I'm always down for constructive criticism so feel free to leave some! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr and twitter as StarlingHawke. Come say hi!


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